Now I Feel Awful

Last night Walter and I went to Bari for dinner, then to Playhouse on the Square to see August: Osage County (which, by the way, was wonderful.)  Bari is just down the street from the theater, so we walked.  On the opposite side of Cooper from Playhouse is the Circuit Theatre.  On the marquee:

In loving memory of June Burnette

Loving memory?  June Burnette?

June and John Burnette were more than casual friends of ours.  Over the past ten or so years we probably shared three or four meals and we liked them a lot.  They owned some commercial real estate around town.  I knew them from doing their property taxes; Walter did some appraisal work for them.  John died a few years ago from cancer, then the real estate market went you-know-where and June was having a tough time, in addition to her own health issues. 

I had to search my calendar to see when I last saw June.  It was on May 8, 2009.  We had lunch at the Women's Exchange.  It was a nice lunch, but I could see that June was struggling, albeit trying to put on a strong face.

After that, I'm ashamed to say, I never picked up the phone to check on her.  Oh, yes, I sent a Christmas card.  Big whoop.

Now I check on the internet and find that she died last July.  Last July.  I feel awful.  Not that my staying in touch with her would have kept her alive.  But why is it that we're just soooo busy, that we can't touch base with friends from time to time?

I went to a panel discussion last Wednesday night on New Urbanism.  One of the speakers was Ken Bickford, and in his presentation he talked about current theory re circles of relationships.  You've probably seen something about this in the media as it's a hot topic with regard to Facebook, Twitter, etc.  I found this article that explains it pretty well.  The general idea seems to be that we can sustain 5-7 intimate relationships and 50-70 in a network that includes work, family, friends, mentors, etc.

Now I don't know about you, but I don't have anywhere near 50 "network" folks.  But I do have the 5-7 intimate relationships and I cherish them.  I sincerely hope that I do my part to nourish those relationships and I can assure those people (you know who you are) that you're doing your part.

I guess all this is to say that I still can't believe that it was almost TWO YEARS AGO that I last had contact with June.  That's pitiful.  I liked her.  And I just let her slip off my radar.  And here's the worst part.  It's not like she never came to mind again.  I did think of her from time to time and say to myself, "I need to give June a call."  But I didn't and now it's too late.

A few weeks ago my friend, Martha, died.  One of my other friends lamented, "Oh, I meant to write her a note to tell her I was thinking of her, but I never did.  Now I feel awful."  I reassured her that we all do that and it wasn't like Martha was one of her close, intimate friends.  Now I know that that was cold comfort.

The moral of this story is, when you think of someone, that's a sign that you should reach out to them.  Don't put it off.  None of us is that busy.